Babita Sharma

What is fear? What is pain? What is discrimination? What is exploitation? What is loneliness? What does the pain of rejection and unworthiness mean? How do you feel when no one understands you? I have seen these panic very closely in my life, when darkness seems everywhere, you feel there is mere dead end but you cant even end yourself. Yes I have witness all this in my life . I am Babita Sharma an ordinary girl from an very ordinary family who has seen every odd a young girl could see. My parents used to fight for one or another reason among themselves all the time due to some financial loss; my mother would get angry at my father, and then all of us would become victims of that. The atmosphere at home was one of great discordant. I always had male relatives in my house, and their presence I never liked. They used to physically abuse me, and whenever I told the same to my mother, she was so confused or scared that she would keep me quiet. I was suffering; I was broken from within, there was no ear to hear me, no heart to feel me, gradually I accepted these incidents as my fate and I made books as my friends. There was a strange thing in my family: credit for every good thing was given to the boys, and the reason for every problem was attributed to the girls. Gender discrimination in my family was at its peak. I use to think that one day my life would be fine. I remember I use to look at the sky and think God are you there if yes why have you abandoned me. However, days passed by and every new day use to be more painful than the previous one. I was suffocating like anything and gradually I lost desire to live even and I stopped eating and drinking. I was encircled by anxiety and use to remain sick now, and the new episode of new problem started in my life that was health issues often I was admitted to the hospital, and was found anemic . Every moment, I use to think I am an unwanted product in this world and neither my family nor society needs me. The biggest joke of that time was elders and others GYANI people use say that I am the incarnation of some god and goddess; incarnation of a god! and so much trouble, something is badly wrong there is some big misunderstanding that’s how i use to think. I was being treated for one after another sickness, I prayed with all I knew but nothing seemed working. After huge ups and downs one day when I saw my report that I have cancer and now no treatment is left, and will die at any moment,I thought why should I wait to rot, and why should I wait for my plight, better I will end my life . and when I was about to jump from a building I heard a voice came,hey what are doing I turned and I saw a lady and I started weeping loudly,I m going to commit suicide I said.I also said that I am useless person into this world, and I am of no use to anyone , this world doesn’t need me, then she said one line which perhaps I needed the most was that, “There is someone who loves you very much, he is very concerned about you, he lived only for you, he loves you more than a mother”. These words were unique, these words shook me to the core. Does anyone love or care about me? I was ashamed of my own self. I argued initially when she asked me to go to a prayer meeting with her but anyhow I agreed to know this new God. And in prayer meet She shared the depth, length, breadth, and height of God the Father’s love to which I believed up to an extent. Then to my surprise things started changing, I started feeling good, I started getting peace, I started knowing Christ and his love, and I started going into prayer meets and life reached to a new turn. One day, a man of God told me that Jesus had died of our sins. Confess your sins, and you will see his work. That day, I realized that I too am a sinner and I need the Lord the most. That evening, during the prayer, I felt like an electric shock; it felt as if someone shook me completely, and it felt as if someone cleaned me out and made me new. I went to the doctor again and I saw that there was nothing in my new report, I still remember that became great turning point for me. I was longing for the love of my family but I started receiving the Love of Almighty. I am happy, I am healed, I am saved. I am loved .I discovered that I am not an unwanted but I am his princess.I know my Creator. I have someone who listens to me who protects me. Today I am not alone. I know the purpose of my life. I was a failure but after knowing Jesus I never turned back ,I remember I failed in exams during my trouble days but now I am double graduate double master and soon to get Doctorate, moreover I got love of my family as never before. I thank God the Father for His Son Jesus, who died for my sins, was buried and rose again, and he would come and take me. I have hope in Him. My life, my healing, my smile is a proof of his existence. Thank you, Lord.

Posted on 2025-01-30 11:57:45